Ellenore: Isn’t this, like, a personality disorder?
Ella: What is?
Ellenore: Envisioning yourself as two different people? Assigning names to those people – writing scripts about their interactions – that’s a surefire sign of insanity.
Ella: Probably. In someone’s books, yes.
Ellenore: Don’t you care?!!
Ella: It’s, like, an ontological metaphor.
Ella: It helps me to conceptualise my rational and irrational faculties in terms of human traits and motivations —
Ellenore: Sounds like insanity to me.
Ella: I guess.
Ellenore: Don’t you care? About people thinking you’re weird?
Ella: Not really.
Ellenore: Oh, please. Pull the other one.
Ellenore: You have always worried about what other people think of you.
Ella: Actually, that was you.
Ellenore: Um, sorry to have to inform you, but I AM you, babe.
Ella: Yeah. I guess so. Ugh.
Ella: Sorry. It’s just, I don’t really enjoy your company very much.
Ellenore: Why not??
Ella: I just think I’m like, a really chill person…or I would be, if it wasn’t for you.
Ellenore: CHILL? Why would you want to be CHILL???
Ellenore: CHILL people are MORONS.
Ella: If you say so.
Ellenore: They’re only CHILL because they’re completely blind to all of the ATROCITIES in the world. And all of the things that are WRONG with them. All of the things that could go WRONG in their life.
Ella: Ugh, can you please leave?
Ellenore: Oh, so you can “chill”?? You’re a fucking MORON.
Ellenore: I’m always giving you good advice, suggesting things to worry about when you’re stuck — giving you the inspiration you need when things are going well —
Ella: Yeah, but —
Ellenore: Helping you see a different perspective —
Ella: Well, you see, that’s the thing —
Ellenore: I’m so good to you, and all I get in return is “ugh”??!
Ella: You make my life pretty miserable is all.
Ellenore: Me?? I’m trying to stop you from becoming even MORE miserable.
Ellenore: Because things can ALWAYS be worse.
Ella: Sure, but I mean —
Ellenore: You can’t just stop and enjoy the little things. That’s dumb. Because the next thing you know —
Ella: God, I wish you would go away.
Ellenore: Why, Ella??? Why do you hate me so much??
Ella: It’s just, you’re like, the quintessential essence, the very prototype of that thing my dad calls The Female Brain™.
Ella: So, uhhh, we’ve been trying to persuade men for thousands of years that women have brains, that we are rational beings – and we are – I am – but you’re always there – smothering me with your hysteria –
Ellenore: Sorry? I don’t see what the problem is here?
Ella: The problem is, I’m just trying to be the best version of myself, the smart, laid back version —
Ellenore: That’s so dumb. Listen —
Ella: I’m just trying to –
Ellenore: WAIT. WAIT. You need to listen to me!
Ella: Look, no offence, but you’re completely out of your mind.
Ella: You’re hysterical.
Ellenore: I’m hysterical???? I’m just prompting you to consider all of the possibilities!
Ellenore: All of the horrible, horrible possibilities, that you, under regular circumstances, would never even notice —
Ella: I just don’t think I need you in my life. I’d really be fine without you.
Ella: I can think. I have a brain.
Ellenore: Okay, insane girl.
Ellenore: Okay. Whatever.
Ella: Cool. I’m going for a run.
Ellenore: You can’t run away from me.
Ellenore: I’ll always be here.
Ellenore: I’ll never leave you.
Ellenore: I love you.
Ella: I…can’t say the feeling’s mutual.
Ellenore: Here for you always, babe.
Ellenore: *blows kiss*